So you’ve got her number, you sent the first text… Now you’re wondering how to flirt with a girl over text. So here are a few things to keep her attracted and flirting with you, until you meet up again…

You have your cell phone. Every time your cell phone buzzes your brain releases a chemical called dopamine which makes you feel good and it’s addictive. So what happens with text messages (especially with girls) you want to create that emotion where every time that text message goes off, every time that phone vibrates she’s conditioned to think, “WOW, I hope it’s THAT guy…I REALLY hope it’s him”. You have created this little surge of dopamine inside of her that makes her more excited and that gets more investment. She feels good every time she texts you. So how do you do that? How do you create this conditioning?

Creating a compelling emotional experience. You want to give her these emotions and these feelings by creating compelling emotional experiences. A lot of you might hear compelling emotional experience and might think, “make her feel good”. Making her feel good is part of a compelling emotional experience but it’s not the only part.

A good analogy is a roller coaster. It goes up, and it goes down. You feel safe while you’re in it, but it’s still got a lot of thrills, moments when you’re smiling, and moments when you’re freaking out… in a good way.

But think about this too – different people have different tolerances for roller coasters. Some people love the big scary stuff (and in the world of dating, those would be the girls with big personalities, or girls who love drama) while others like the more tame rides. So when you’re texting a girl, you’ve got to have a sense for what kind of emotional ride she’s looking for. Is she a player looking for random fun, or is she an innocent sweetheart looking for a boyfriend, without games?

What’s critical when you’re thinking about any form of interaction with women, whether it’s over texting or in person, is that you’re creating different and varied emotions. You’re not just always trying to make her laugh or trying to make her smile or trying to make her feel good. We’re gonna talk about some really cool ways that we can create that tension. Create some anxiety for her so that four hours after talking to you, her phone buzzes and she hopes it’s you again.

I’m sure you all have had this experience, because I sure as hell have… where there’s a girl that I really like and we’ve been on and off with texting. She’s not in the rapid rapport phase (we’ll talk about the phases later) but I’d send her a text and I’d put my phone down and say, “ok, i’m gonna wait for her to text back” and then my mom texts me. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom but in this case I hear the buzzing and I’m thinking, “OH, I hope it’s her” and then instead it’s, “oh….hey mom”. And then a few emails go off. And when I really like a girl i’m like “screw all these emails. Just have this girl text me back!!” And so obviously you want to be able to create that experience for her as well. This is where that tension comes in and that’s when it’s really fun.

The Three Primary Emotions

It’s not just one emotion. There are 3 primary emotions that I like to think about creating over text messaging and interacting with women in general. These are very unscientific terms but I think conceptually you will understand them right away.

1) Smile Emotions (things that will make her smile):
laughter – make her laugh
happiness – anything that makes her happy, a compliment
confidence – making her feel confident about something
excitement – getting her excited

On the flip side of that is unhappiness. We don’t wanna create unhappiness but we do wanna create tension.

2) Tension Emotions (when you put her on the edge of her seat):
curiosity – making her curious about you
intrigue – similar to curiosity
fear of loss – making her worried about losing you
uncertainty – she’s not certain where she stands with you
suspense – she’s on the edge of her seat about you

So you can see how if you were making her smile but you were also creating some suspense, it can be this really compelling mix of emotions that would really start to get her excited. There’s a third emotion.

3) Shock Emotions(when you jolt her senses):
Defiance – challenge her beliefs/ideas/lifestyle etc.
Outrage – but in a good way
Dominated – she is dominated by YOU.

I’ll give you an example of dominating a girl right now just to avoid any miscommunication which lands you in an 8 by 8 cell. Let’s say that in a cold pick up environment like a bar i go up to a girl and I look her in the eye and say, “You are FRICKIN’ hot. Come here, I gotta know you”. If she complies with that request THAT is dominating her. THAT’S where your dominance is asserting itself and she’s submitting to YOU.

You’ll see examples of this stuff throughout the program, and in some of the examples. These 3 primary emotions of Smiling, Tension, and Shock are a very potent mix when you use them together in the right way. Now that we have a background on the emotional side of things let’s talk about the social dynamics.


So now you have a few ideas, but if you want the whole kit and caboodle… then you should get my program HOW2TXTHER! There’s plenty more on how to flirt with a girl through text.

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